Monday, December 31, 2007

'tis the Season to be puking....

twas the night before new years
& all thru the house
not a creature wasn't puking
ahhh hell, forget it.
Both girls are sick, Kayla has a monster toothache, she had dental work on Thursday & they were attempting to build up a bad tooth she has, well, they failed, they're saying she needs a root canal now, shit, I don't think she can take any more pain. Shes been doped on darvocet & codeine all weekend but still hurting.
Abigail has some stomach bug or something. no clue yet. I never rush to Dr's unless it doesn't pass soon or home remedies dint relieve it, unless its something serious. I think the human body has an amazing way of healing itself & ANTIBIOTICS ARE OVERUSED & OVERRATED.

I had plans to go out to a friends & party a little for NY Eve. Ah well, not really in the mood, Jeff's trying to figure out whats up w/ the vonage box, as out phones are down for some weird reason.
Work was boring, every other company in the free world that we work with was closed, so our being open was pointless. Oh well, easy $ right?

Saturday, December 29, 2007

Another year...almost gone

Strange to look back & see how much has changed this past year. So many heartaches & so many blessings. It's amazing how much can change in just 365 days. This time last year, Id never have imagined I would be where i am today.

But all for the most part is good. I am engaged to be married, my kids are happy & healthy, my Mom is looking to retire soon, I have a great job, Jeff is on his way up in his field,finances are coming together, & I am making steps to get myself back out ion our local community. A few years ago, I went to every local gathering but due to a few people who ruined it & made me & a few others feel unwelcomed, I shied away from it. Fortunately, i put it behond me & joined a group of people who are incredibly nice. I hope to be attending & maybe even leading some of the upcoming public rites. My girls show lots of interest in my path so this upcoming year, I will be including them in everything they desire. This week coming we will be smudging our home & doing some 'cleaning' in the spiritual sense. I look forward to teaching them both how.:-)

I have a lot to be thankful for. I am grateful for all I have & look forward to the blessings of 2008.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

She Gracefully Surrenders:Winter

She Gracefully Surrenders:Winter
In fall, the earth begins the process of releasing all the things she has been holding onto throughout spring and summer, and by midwinter she has let everything go. She sits clean and undecorated in her simplicity, free of the frenzy of life that defines her in the warmer seasons. There is a quiet humility about the earth in the winter months, as animals and people retreat inside to escape the wet and sometimes freezing cold that takes hold. Inside our homes we create abundance and warmth in response to being effectively kicked indoors by the dark and cold that permeate the outdoors. We burn fires in fireplaces and make heavy, hot foods to keep our bodies warm and insulated. We may find ourselves sleeping longer hours and yearning for downtime, just like the animals deep inside their caves and warrens taking a winter-long nap. Even if we live in a warmer climate, the longer nights and shorter days have the same effect on our cycles. If we surrender to this time as nature intended, we allow ourselves to slow down, sleep more, and lower the volumes on our busy minds. At the same time, we crave company in our dwellings, and the insulated warmth of the hearth tends to bring people together, creating more warmth and fostering connections that last through the coming year. We laugh, eat, and talk, sleep, or catch up on reading, while outside our windows the earth grows dark earlier and stays cold longer, accepting as always of the process of change and her place within it. We might remember to learn from her as she so gracefully surrenders to the emptiness that precedes all form, the peace that precedes activity, the darkness that precedes the light. For everything she gives and teaches, we might offer a blessing, extending a goodly portion of the gratitude of this season her way, holding her in our hearts and thanking her for our very lives.
What do you think?

Monday, December 24, 2007

Twas the night before........

& all thru the house........everyone was freaking exhausted!

So yeah, we celebrate Christmas too, not the baby Jesus Christmas, but the secular, Santa Claus is coming to town Christmas. The kids get a kick out of it, my little one believes, my older one plays along nicely with a little smirk & a wink. My kids are awesome....really.

So the gifts are under the tree, cookies ate, milk drunk, carrots fed to reindeer......

it's almost 2:30 am. Oh my Goddess, but morning will come awfully early!

Merry Christmas. & goodnight!

Sunday, December 23, 2007


Someone from our local group posted some photos of the site where we hold our full moon rituals. The huge old sacred oak tree we always worked under split in half due to the horrible ice storm. I am so sad. I feel a certain loss of its wisdom. I hope the parks dept can save this giant from being chopped down. I know whats born wil rise again but its sad.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

I quit.

Ok folks, I quit. I refuse to any longer be sucked into the commercial crap that is the Christmas/ Holiday season.
Wa different this year. I stressed a while over not being able to do the things I wanted to do. ice storm hit us rather hard & a lotnof things havent gotten done & arent going to get done, or get bought. Oh well.
Honestly i wont miss it. Sure its fun to watch the girls tear into gift after gift but whats the point really?
Id rather share memories, make cookies, create the Yule log, sit up late on Yule to watch it burn, & have quiet meaningful convos with my family.
So, the kids get a few gifts this year, the rest of the list can forget about it. We had a nice quiet Yule celebration, took some nice photos of the kids, Ill wrap the few gifts I got tonight, & sit & read & relax w/ a candle burning & make some hot cocoa. What could be nicer?
A stress free year.

Blessed Yule All.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

^$%*%$(*&Y(*&^& Cox!

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, after all that time without power & cable & internet, we came up on Sat morning, cable came back up that afternoon. Well.............long about midnight, cable pops off 2 or 3 times, then goes right back down, it was the cable, & our business internet aount which Jeff runs his servers & web hosting off of. (steaming....) We tried to contact Cox, as we were a business account & get a higher priority than resiential.(pay for it too!)
NOPE....you get a shitty voice automated phone service which eventually takes you to an overflow call center. Ok, I know theres a high demand right now, but there still should be a way to reach tech support, that was ridiculous. We called no less than 6 times, each time promised a call back to no avail. Idiots wanted us to give a call back number, Ummmmmmmmmmmm, our internet & data lines are down, we HAVE NO PHONES! Morons...

Back from the frozen tundra......

Well, we have power finally, 6 days without really makes you think & contemplate on how much you take for granted & whats really important. Like heat....& light.Last 2 days were COLDDDDD, but apparently not cold enough to keep the food in the fridge & freezer cold & frozen. Sigh....we'd just stocked up to & its all got to be thrown out. Oh well, right? Most streets are cleared, still some branches on some of the smaller streets though, branches & uprooted & broken trees everywhere. It was beautiful til the trees started crashing. We miraculously did not have any house damage or damage to the power lines to our house. Phones are up now, as is internet & cable. The heater sounded beautiful kicking on!

Very interesting how much you learn about yourself & your family with no tv, no games, no internet. We all slept in the living room, close together, huddled during the evening by candlelight & talked, told stories, me & my older daughter made plans for Yule. By day, we cooked as much of the rapidly thawing food that we could & ate lukewarm by candlelight. thank the Goddess we have a gas range & hot water tank! We boiled water on the stove top to help heat the house & ran the burners. Also lit about 20 candles on the coffee table. (Jeff joked we could have a seance!). It was a calm time, we went to bed early & I likely got more sleep than in a long time. I read books, looked at catalogs, worked on crafts, our 5 cats entertained us too. I too was saddened by the poor trees broken & laying open, naked almost everywhere I look. I cried for the large magnolia next to me. We went out today & found a nice log to use for a Yule log. On our return, the porch light was on! What joy! We yelled & danced theu the house!Tonight its back to normal, but we grew closer during this time.
Check out some photos.

Friday, December 14, 2007

Day 5 of no electricity......We're still alive, havent froze to death yet, tho tonight may be the kicker where we wake up as popsicles. Supposed to rain some more tnonight & turn into snow as the morning comes. Pray for us. Really. We need it. Keep hoping we'll get home & it will be on, but no such luck. We're surviving by boiling water on the gas stove top(thank god for that!). It seems to dissipate the heat better in the house. Wasnt so bad when i was home all day (mon-wed had no power @ work) but not getting any heat going ti 5:30 blows. All food in the fridge & freezer is a total loss, had a lot of meat in there......
We have no generator, & down to 1 flashlight. Jeff charges up the backupbattery pack for the servers at work by day & we get limited light or a short bit of tv, its a little slice of heaven & civilization. You cant get ice, batteries, flashlights, blankets, anything of the like in local stores, we'd have to travel almost to Siloam Springs for them. It sucks really. Buit Ive gotten some good of it, Ive spent some quality time w/ my kids & Ive gotten more sleep than ever.

Sunday, December 9, 2007

Tonight's parade

We went to the PSO parade of Lights tonight. Nice & cold, perfect for a parade. Jeff, the Ice King didn't wear a coat, or even a long sleeve shirt, the dork, of course he probally thought it was warm til the drizzle started. blech. Abigail was going numb & Kayla said she couldnt feel her toes.LOl
Abi went back to the car w/ jeff. me & jess & kayla stayed longer. They had several large balloon floats, lighted floats, marching bands & horse drawn wagons, also service dogs, cute little poodles & even Alpacas! I should have lots of photos uploaded by tomorrow, left the camera in the car & too damn cold to go get it.
Weather turned tonight finally, were currently getting freezing rain. YUCK, I wouldnt mind snow, but this shit sucks.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007


What a helluva week it has been. Wow.

Busy Busy Busy too. The whole week after Thanksgiving was ROUGH. Could barely function, just run down & exhausted. Weekend finally rolls around, still running around. Run.Run.Run.

Saturday was errand day & did a bit of Yule shopping. Found a few nice things & got some great craft ideas. Also found some great things to do around the house to make it more 'mine.'

I haven't been really attached to this house, its never felt truly like home, so Ive come to the conclusion, home is what you make of it, so I'm gonna make it mine. If that even makes sense.

Then Sunday, we left early to go get a tree. We got a real one this year, we walked around awhile til one called to us, then when we found the right one, I silently thanked it & asked its permission. I held my hand on it as it was cut down. As it were, i vow next year, were going to get one we can replant.

We finally get it home & get it in the stand & indoors & its time to go again. Every year, Tulsa does 2 biker toy runs. One for the Salvation Army & one for ABATE. Sundays was for Salvation Army. About 1000 bikers showed up, all bearing toys for little kids. What a great thing. We always show up to watch them go by. This coming Sunday is the bigger one sponsored by ABATE. Some friends of mine are even running Security for the event. Were looking at a turnout of about 10,000! It benefits Toys for Tots.

So back to work on Monday & just TIRED, drag-assing. I'm popping my vitamins, drinking more water but keep having to hit the caffeine. UGH, now, here I am, almost 12:30 & I'm not yet in bed. Bleh, gonna be a long day tomorrow & tomorrow I have a courthouse run. At least Ill be out a bit early, that helps, but also makes me step up the pace during the day to get it all done before 2 pm. Ah well, c'est la vie, right?


Monday, November 26, 2007

What a weekend.

What a weekend.

Only worked 2 days last week. That part was nice. LOL, & got paid for all 5, even nicer. However......Thursday, official Thanksgiving, we spent at the meeting, as previously noted, that evening was quiet & calm. Friday I worked in My youngests' room, cleaning, purging no longer needed toys, no longer fitting clothes, gathered up 2 bags for Freecycle. rearranged stuff, hung pictures & her awards from school up, & some butterflies Id been keeping for her. Room really looks cute & comfy now. If only she could keep it clean......
Saturday, I spent the day in my eldest's room, doing the same. I was exhausted by days end, Sunday was our big dinner, as some of us are invariably having to work on thanksgiving day. Oh my, did Mom ever outdo herself. She REALLY gets into the cooking part. No wonder I'm fat.LOL
We only had 8 people there, but there was -& still is- enough food for 30!
I'm sure I will be really sick of turkey before it is over. After dinner was over & company had departed, I realized one of our kitties, the Terrorist Kitty himself, was nowhere to be found. Oh shit.
We looked in closets, under beds, in cabinets, in the attic, furnace closet, anywhere you could imagine. No Terrorist Kitty. We grabbed a flashlight & ventured out in the rain, my eldest & I, calling & searching, to no avail.:( Terrorist Kitty was nowhere to be seen. I was going to make another pass in the attic, sat down to talk to Mom for a few & out of the corner of my eye, saw movement. There sat the little shit on the table, calmly licking leftover gravy.......I wanted to choke him. Instead I grabbed him & hugged him. I still have no clue where he managed to hide but I don't care. He wasn't lost outside in the rain & cold. :)
So I deposited him in my daughters hands & went to get ready for bed, already almost 1:30 AM. Bleh. Suddenly a knock on my door, "Mama, come here quick!"
I rush out to see whats wrong & the lights are all off & everyone is gathered by the front door. What in the world?
I peer out & there, on the porch is the biggest, fattest possum I have seen. It was HUGE. Looking for dinner I guess (REALLY glad now Kitty wasn't outside!). He finally wondered off the porch & I went around the side of the house to make sure the trash was secured. Sure enough, it was there, about to tear in. Uh-Uh! No you don't! I stomped my foot & made a hissing sound & that fat little possum ran like hell. LOL
I grabbed the loose bag of trash & moved it higher then walked back inside. How funny.
SO that was my weekend.
Now today, here I sit, workblogging, braindead as hell. Must be something in the air, as everyone in this office is drag-assing around & sluggish. I think I just need caffeine to be injected intravenously & I'll be OK.

Friday, November 23, 2007

Counting my Blessings

I have a lot to be thankful this year. I have a nice home, a fiancee who loves me, family around me, friends I cherish, finances are good, cars are running decently, & looks like this Yule might be rather nice. Health is good, spirituality is higher, what more could I ask for?

While the mice are away...

The cat cleans their rooms out. Time to purge thru everything & get it back in order for the holiday madness that is approaching. Turkey Day here was quiet. Bb's youngest is staying over the long holiday & the girlies are at their fathers house. We actually spent the day at a meeting dinner. Was kind of nice. A bit smoky for me but I hold my breath well.LOL

I'm awfully glad ice King is there. Grateful to be there with him. :-)

Our big dinner is Sunday since Mom works fri & Sat. I cant wait. I'm skipping the Black Friday madness tho. No way I'm going out in the madhouse store, I'm keeping Yule pretty simple this year. I'll do some Xmas decorating just cuz its fun but I try to shy away from the mainstream stuff & stick to the more natural aspects of Yule. We're doing a real Yule tree this year. I haven't had a real one in years. I LOVE the smell of pine! I do hope the 5 freaking psycho cats don't kill it tho. We shall see. promises to be entertaining at the very least.

Sunday, November 18, 2007


The current floor, as promised......

Found a funny site

This is great! Check out some of these assholes. It's hilarious!

Saturday, November 17, 2007


To all that is holy & blessed that my inlaws don't get here until tomorrow. I'd REALLY like to sleep in my own bed tonight....

Carpet Sucks part deux

So all the carpets up, the tack boards are up & revealed the floor beneath. Oh my.......
It was in worse shape than Id realized. Sigh.
There were paint splatters, & the finish had worn off in many places & numerous staples all over. Damn
So I commence to scrubbing. The paint comes up. Nothing to be done bout the finish being gone. The staples remain but not for long. They're my next project.
Its not too bad. getting a big throw rug to put over the worst spots. & using a dark colored scratch cover to blend in the lighter places with the darker. ultimate goal is to sand it down & refinish the whole thing but we'll have to be out for awhile before we can do it. it will be worth it. The floor itself is a light oak wood & the boards are actually in pretty good shape, minimal cupping & just a few scratches. Although I don't think it has seen a mop in about 15 years.Yuk.
The water was like mud.....
Anyway, ill take a few pix tomorrow & post em. Toodles!

Wednesday, November 14, 2007


Getting sentimental sitting here reading about Christmas gifts. My grandma, without fail every year, sent us a good sized box of gifts, she usually didn't get their names right but I loved every word she wrote. She was the most practical person i ever knew. Never threw anything away & even folded her trash to make less to throw away. I have soo many memories of spending summers with her. I can remember countless days of sitting under her hand made large dining room table that my grandfather made & playing with paper dolls she had painstakingly cut out with me from Sears & JC Penney catalogs. I would be entertained for hours. I remember spending hours admiring her paintings & watching her paint & design them. I was utterly fascinated. She sparked a lifelong interest in art for me. I intend to take back up my pen & begin to draw again, id love to paint as well. She used to sit for hours & tell the most interesting stories of her younger days, the things she had experienced. I'd give anything for more time to listen.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Hi, my name is.......(not Slim Shady)

So I'm reading one of my very favorite blogs over here & I decided to follow suit.
Hello, my name is not David
Hi, my name is Deborah K. Andrews soon to be Gray, but you can call me Mom, Mama, Debb, Aunt Debb or Your Highness. Bitch will do, too. Never in my life have I bungee jumped and frankly, I have no intention of ever doing so. The one person who can drive me absolutely stark raving mad is my well meaning fiancee’, the Ice King. My high school was Redneck Hicksville Catoosa High School. When I'm nervous I wring my hands. The last song I listened to was some song by Eminem. If I were to get married right now it would probably piss the Ice King off pretty bad. My hair is tolerable for the first time in my life. Thank God for Pepsi. When I was 4 I was a total pain in the ass to my sister, BB. Last Christmas, I thought was going to suck & it ended up pretty cool. When I look down I see my big 'ol girls who probably could sit a bit higher than they currently reside.
The happiest recent event was when Jeff got on the wagon. If I were a character on LOST I'd be the one who gets eaten. By this time next year I hope to be half my current size. Twinkies Away!!!!. My current mood is miserable, after our company Thanksgiving dinner. I wanna sleeeeeeep. I have a hard time understanding men..... There's these girls that work in my office & they’re like total bitches.... oops are you reading this?
Shhhhhh. If I won an award, the first person I would tell would be Mom. I want to buy me a new life. I plan to visit Michigan again in January. If you spent the night at my house we'd play on the computer, tuck my girls into bed (well, you'd wait while I did it) then crawl in bed & sleeeeeeeeep. The world could do without any kind of bugs. The most recent thing I've bought myself is a Pepsi, lol. The most recent thing someone else bought me is a Coke.
My middle name is Kaye. In the morning I should just hook myself up to an IV full of caffeine. Last night I was dreaming about sleeping. There's this woman I work with who smells like a dead old person. If I was an animal I'd be a bear & hibernate all winter. A better name for me would be YAWNNNNNNNNNNN. Tomorrow I am going to be scrubbing a wood floor. Tonight I am pulling up tack boards from a wood floor. I wish the asshole that carpeted my current wood floor was a dead motherfucker.

Sunday, November 11, 2007


I've found the solution to the floor problem. Ok so the long term solution is sanding & refinishing the floors. However, we need to be out of the house for some I'm & cant walk on it til its dried, 2 or 3 coats of stain & finish. Ok so that sucks.
Sooooo I'm gonna paint it, gonna get a can of a darkish brown floor paint & paint it. When we're ready to sand, it will come up anyway. Who knows, i may like it better.
So that's my brilliant solution.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

I hurt.....and carpet sucks

So damned sore. Ice King is kinda pissed off I pulled up the carpet. the floor looks bad......gonna need a lot of work . Its gonna have to be scrubbed, maybe by hand, mopped, sanded, possibly stained & then finished. UGH, the whole FM/CFS shit is kicking my ass right now too, just wanna lie down & sleep a bit.

meanwhile Terorist Kitty is having a ball. He keeps craling under the padding as I pull it up & tries to go to sleep. Apparently he thinks being cute now makes up for this mornings toilet paper shredding incident. hmmmm...he is kinda cute...

But I don't wannnnnnnnnaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Ok, so I agree to yank the livingroom carpet up. Yeah i want it up, its stained & doesn't look very good & there's that stupid &%$&(()()^%())_ cat.................
Does that mean i actually WANT to do it?
I wanna play on here, or blog, or nap, or watch tv, or go down to the river. or, or or.....well, you get the idea. Ive got about 13 of it up. nasty work. dusty, stinky, sweaty work. Don't ever do this unless you're insane.

pagan musings~~something beautiful I found

Pagan Musings
By – Tony Kelly

We're of the Old Religion, sired of Time, and born of our beloved Earth Mother. For too long the people have trodden a stony path that goes only onward beneath a sky that goes only upward. The Horned God plays in a lonely glade for the people are scattered in this barren age and the winds carry His plaintive notes over deserted heaths and reedy moors and into the lonely grasses. Who knows the ancient tongue of the Moon? And who still speaks with the Goddess? The magic of the land of Lirien and the old pagan gods have withered in the dragon's breath; the old ways of magic have slipped into the well of the past, and only the rocks now remember what the Moon told us long ago, and what we learned from the trees and the voices of the grasses and the scent of flowers.
We're Pagans and we worship the Pagan gods, and among the people there are witches yet who speak with the Moon and dance with the Horned One. But a witch is a rare pagan these days, deep and inscrutable, recognizable only by her own kind, by the light in her eyes and the love in her breast, by the magic in her hands and the lilt of her tongue and her knowledge of the real. But the Wiccan way is one way. There are many; there are Pagans the world over who worship the Earth Mother and the Sky Father, the Moon Goddess and the Little People in the mists on the other side of the veil. A Pagan is one who worships the goddesses and gods of Nature, whether by observation or by study, whether by love or adoration, or whether in the sacred rites with the Moon or the great festivals of the Sun.
Many suns ago, as the pale dawn of reason crept across the pagan sky, man grew out of believing in gods. He has yet to grow out of disbelieving in them. He who splits the Goddess on an existence/non-existence dichotomy will earn himself only paradoxes, for the gods are not so divided and neither are the magic lands of the Brother of Time. Does a mind exist? Ask her and she will tell you "yes" but seek her out and she'll elude you. She is in every place, and you'll see her works in all places, but herself in none. Existence was the second-born from the Mother's Womb and contains neither the first-born nor the unborn. Show us your mind, and we'll show you the gods! No matter that you cannot, for we cannot show you the gods. But come with us and the Goddess Herself will be our love and the God will call the tune. But a brass penny for your reason! For logic is a closed ring, and the child does not validate the Mother, nor the dream the dreamer. And what matter the wars of opposites to she who has fallen in love with a whirlwind or to a lover of the arching rainbow.
But tell us of your Goddess as you love her, and the gods that guide your works, and we'll listen with wonder, for to do less would be arrogant. But we'll do more, for the heart of man is aching for memories only half forgotten, and the Old Ones only half unseen. We'll write the old myths as they were always written and we'll read them on the rocks and in the caves and in the deep greenwood shade, and we'll see them in the storm clouds, and in the evening mists, and we'll hear them in the rippling mountain streams and the rustling of the leaves. We've no wish to bring differences together; differences are like different flowers in a meadow, and we are all one in the Mother.
What need is there for a Pagan movement since our religion has no teachings and we hear it in the wind and feel it in the stones and the Moon will still dance with us when she will? There is a need. For a long time has the Divider been among the people and the tribes of man are no more. The sons of the Sky Father have all but conquered Nature, but they have poisoned her breast and the Mother is sad for the butterflies are dying and the night crawls on. A curse on the conquerors! But not of us, for they curse themselves for they are nature, too. They have stolen our magic and sold it to the mindbenders and the mindbenders tramp a maze that has no outlet for they fear to go down into the dark waters, and they fear the real for the One who guards the path.
Where are the Pagan shrines? And where do the people gather? Where is the magic made? And where is the Goddess and the Old Ones? Our shrines are in the fields and on the mountains, in the stars and in the winds, deep in the greenwood and on the algal rocks where two streams meet. But the shrines are deserted, and if we gathered in the arms of the Moon for our ancient rites to rule the Mother's land and claim rights of ownership on the Mother's breast, and make laws of division and frustration for us. We can no longer gather with our gods in a public place and the old rites of communion have been driven from the towns and cities ever deeper into the heath where barely a handful of heathens have remained to guard the old secrets and enact the old rites. There is magic in the heath far from the cold gray society, and there are islands of magic hidden in the entrails of the metropolis behind closed doors, but the people are few, and the barriers between us are formidable. The old religion has become a dark way, obscure, and hidden in the protective bosom of the night. Thin fingers turn pages of books while the sunshine seeks in vain for his worshippers in his leafy glades.
Here, then, is the basic reason for the Pagan Movement. We must create a Pagan society wherein everyone shall be free to worship the gods and goddesses of nature, and the relationship between the worshipper and her gods shall be sacred and inviolable, provided only that in her love for her own gods she doesn't curse the gods of another.
It's not yet our business to press the lawmakers with undivided endeavor to unmake the laws of regression and, with the Mother's love, it may never become our business for the shifting tides of dogmatism are at last already in ebb. Our first work, and our greatest wish, is to come together, to be with each other in our tribes for we haven't yet grown from the Mother's breast to the stature of gods. We're of the earth, and sibs to all the children of wild nature, born long ago in the warm mud of the ocean floor; we were together when, beguiled by the pride of the Sky Father, and forgetful of the Mother's love, we killed her earlier-born children and impoverished the old genetic pool. The Red Child yet lives in America; the Black Child has not forsaken the gods; the old Australians are still with their nature gods; the Old Ones still live deep in the heart of Mother India; and the White Child has still a foot on the Old Wiccan Way, but Neanderthal is no more and her magic fades as the Lli and the Archen burst their banks and the ocean flowed in to divide the Isle of Eire from the land of the White Goddess. Man looked with one eye on the two-faced god when he reached for the heavens and scorned the Earth which alone is our life and our provider and the bosom to which we have ever returned since the dawn of time.
He who looks only to reason to plumb the unfathomable is a fool, for logic is an echo already implicit in the question, and it has no voice of its own; but he is no greater fool that he who scorns logic and derides its impotence from afar, but fears to engage in fair combat when he stands on his opponent's threshold. Don't turn your back on Reason, for his thrust is deadly; but confound him and he'll yield for his code of combat is honorable. So here is more work for the pagan movement. Our lore has been encrusted over the ages with occult trivia and the empty vaporings of the lost. The occult arts are in a state of extreme decadence; astrology is in a state of disrepute and fears to confront the statistician's sword; alien creeds oust our native arts and, being as little understood as our own forgotten arts, are just as futile for their lack of understanding, and more so for their unfamiliarity. Misunderstanding is rife. Disbelief is black on every horizon, and vampires abound on the blood of the credulous; it has no place in the heart of the pagan.
But while we are sad for those who are bemused by Reason, we are deadened by those who see no farther than his syllogisms as he turns the eternal wheel of the Great Tautology. We are not fashioned in the mathematician's computations and we were old when the first alchemist was a child. We have walked the magic forest, bewitched in the old Green Things; we have seen the cauldron and the one become many and the many in one; we know the Silver Maid of the moonlight and the sound of cloven feet. We have heard the pipes on the twilight ferns and we've seen the spells of the Enchantress, and Time, stilled. We've been into eternal darkness where the Night Mare rides and rode to the edge of the Abyss, and beyond, and we know the dark face of the Rising Sun . Spin a spell of words and make a magic knot; spin it on the magic loom and spin it with the gods. Say it in the old chant and say it to the Goddess, and in Her name. Say it to a dark well and breathe it on a stone. There are no signposts on the untrodden path, but we'll make our rituals together and bring them as our gifts to the Goddess and God in the great rites. Here, then, is our work in the Pagan Movement: To make magic in the name of our gods, to share our magic where the gods would wish it and to come together in the ancient festivals of birth, and life, and death and of change in the old rhythm. We'll print the rituals that can be shared in the written word; we'll do all in our power to bring the people together, to teach those who would learn, to learn from those who can teach. We'll initiate groups, bring people to groups, and groups to other groups, in our common devotion to the goddesses and gods of nature. We will not storm the secrets of any coven, nor profane the tools, the magic and still less, the gods of another.
We'll collect the myths of all ages, of our people and of the pagans of other lands, and we'll study the books of the wise and we'll talk to the very young. And whatever the pagan needs in her study, or her worship, then it is our concern, and the business of the Movement will be to do everything possible to help each other in our worship of the gods we love.
We are committed to the lone pagan on the seashore, with he who worships in the vastness of a mountain range or she who sings the old chants in the lost valley far from the metalled road. We are committed to the wanderer, and equally with the prisoner, disinherited from the Mother's milk in darkness of the industrial wrens. We are committed, too, to the coven, with the circular dance in the light of the full moon, with the great festivals of the sun, and the gatherings of the people. We are committed to build our temples in the towns and in the wilderness, to buy lands and the streams from the landowners and give them to the Goddess for her children's use, and we'll replant the greenwood as it was of old for her love of the dryad stillness, and for the love of our children's children. When the streams flow clear and the winds blow pure and the sun never more sets unreknowned nor the moon rides in the skies unloved; when the stones tell of the Horned God and the greenwood grows deep to call back her own; then our work will be ended and the Pagan Movement will return to the beloved womb of our religion, to the nature goddesses and gods of paganism.

Friday, November 9, 2007


Went to a concernt today at my daughter's school. The school houses the middle school & the high school. We all sat in the auditorium, high & midde school kids crammed in all around us. It took me back in time. For a few moments I was transported back to being an awkward gangly 13 year old all over again. A kid trying to fit in & trying to be unobtrusive at the same time. It really wasnt a good feeling. I wouldnt relive those days for anything. Sure, theres things Id love to be able to change, like maybe standing up for yself a little more & a little sooner. Maybe telling off the Maureen Brauner's & Shannon Willsey's who used to make fun of me & taunt me for no good reason, except that I was then & still am my own person. Maybe even telling the Mike Given's & the Brett Rozell's of that world to piss off &leave me be. Maybe..
I was not your cookie cutter blonde cheerleader kid & I wasnt a jock. I wasnt even a band 'geek' kid. I kind of stood out, quiet, sensitive & more in my own little world than in the world of hell that was middle school. By the time 7th grade rolled around, I had grown a thincker skin & grown a bit more confident. I still remember slapping Shannon across the face in 7th grade PE class. The teacher never said a word to me...
I can remember in 8th grade , desperately wanting to be someone else. Alas, it never happened, now Im pretty much glad Im who I am, sure, as a fat chick, Id like there to be less of me, but me, my inner self, she's ok.
Back to reality......her concert was great. She sang beautifully. Standing up proud & beautiful. I wonder if she ever feels like I used to?

Thursday, November 8, 2007


I am sooooo tired. This whole time change bullshit sucks. I love feeling like IM sleeping in , in the mornings, but the day draggggggggggggggggs so bad , especially in the afternoon. Yawnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
I need to get outside this weekend, but have TONS to do before Ice King's mom & step dad come down. Sigh............in-laws................ Need I say more?
Hopefully it won't be too bad. Theyre scheduled to be here on Sunday, I.K. has his surgery on Monday, then they leave on Tuesday. I can run away tuesday but will be at the mercy on sun & monday. Have sooooo much to do, need to get the entire house cleaned from top to bottom, work on a few projects there, We're going to rip the carpet up in the liv room & expose the hardwood floors. hopefully theyre not in terrible shape. No clue whats waiting for us, but its got to be better than the carpet thats there now. Gonna muck out the girls' rooms too, theyre scary.....remember my Pit of Death post? All over again. When we painted, I never got their rooms re-organized so they're toal messes now. Wheeeeeee
I cant say much tho, our room isnt much better, especially since our closet threw up all over the bedroom.......
Well, thats a little drastic, actually the cat did it, yes you heard me right, the cat killed the closet. The closet cieiling anyway, he found a way to access the attic one night & the attic stairs(which inhabit our room) descended on their own (so we thought) one night. I almost peed the bed! The cat rode the stairs down! Then a few nights later, he got into the closet, we hadnt seen him all day, apparently he found a way into the attic yet again, this time he brought part of the closet ceiling down. Now we have this nice big open hole to our attic & the air coming off it is like a refrigerator. But hey, it saves on the A/c bill right?

Sunday, November 4, 2007


This has been a very peaceful weekend. I am blessed. I have a lot to be thankful for. I have a fiancee I love very much, who is going thru incredible lengths to make the most of himself & our lives. I am very proud of him. For those of you with access, you know whats been going on. If you don't & you think you are worthy, comment & i might give you access.;-)

I have 2 gorgeous wonderful girls who I am blessed to be a mother to, they are a joy in my life. I have 3 great stepsons whom I wish I could spend more time with. I have a great mom who I wish I could do more for. I want to see her retired & soon. I have a wonderful extended family & many awesome friends who support me in all I do.I also have a great job I actually like. I have a nice home, nice vehicles & a lot of things to fill my home. All in all I think I'm doing pretty good. Thank you my Goddess, thank you. I am grateful.:-)

Saturday, November 3, 2007

All's Quiet

On the Okie front. it's been pretty peaceful. I pray for the best. :-)
Girls are home this weekend & my niece & nephew in law, (who are expecting their 1st child) are staying the weekend as well. This is Bb's younger daughter, who stayed behind in order to finish up her education. I think they're gonna make great parents & I'm excited for them. Scared too, as this is her very first.With luck, all goes well & we'll soon have a new little one amongst us. Shes due in May.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Early Samhain

Had a lovely evening. Crone Gloria put on a beautiful & thoughtful public Samhain ritual. The wind was with us & within us, blowing all around us & through us, letting us all know the Goddess moved through us & our ancestors passed on were there with us as well. It was uplifting, contemplative & lit a new hope in me for this coming year. Blessed be.


I haven't been here much lately, there's just been too much going on. For those of you that have access, I'll give details over at ymy other blog. Just suffice to say it's been a bumpy ride & theres still plenty of roadblocks ahead. But theres light at the end of the tunnel. Things can & will get better, of that I am sure.
On the lighter side, going to a Samhain celebration tonight. I have a lot of things to let go of this year, & many to recieve into my life.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Good Night

Last night was a normal family night, but I really enjoyed it. Only thing missing was my girlies. We all had dinner together, then sat down to watch a movie, haven't done that in some time. We watched WIld Hogs, it was hilarious, especially the ending. I loved it!
Me & thew Ice King kinda cuddled on the couch too, very nice. Woke up in a really good mood too.Hmm...wonder why?
So....Good Morning.

Thursday, October 25, 2007


These quizzes are stupid, & useless, but nonetheless addictive.LOl

1. Your recent 'ex' and You = I was soooo stupid!
2. I am listening to = Jeff snoring, fan humming & Delta farce on tv9badddd movie-lol)
3. Maybe I should = go to bed
4. I love = my girls
5. My best friend(s) = not sure i consider anyone that right now
6. I don't understand = MEN
7. I have lost my respect for = hmmmm
8. I last ate = subway Club sub
9. The meaning of my display name is= who I am
10. God = is dead
11. Someday = I'll get my shit together.lol
12. I will always be = loyal to my family
13. Love seems to = be a joke at times
14. I never ever want to lose = my girls
15. My myspace is = addictive
17. I get annoyed when = people assume they know what Im thinking
18. Parties = are annoying
20. Simple Kisses = can be nice
21. Today I = had a god time
22. I wish = I undecould fix others problems
01. is your hair wet?: yes
02. is your cell phone right by you: dont have one anymore & dont miss it
03. do you miss someone?: yes
04. are you wearing chap stick?: no
05. are you tired?: yeah
06. are you wearing pajamas?: yes
08. are you mad?: no
09. are you upset?: no
01. recently done anything you regret?: no
02. ever lied?: yes
03. ever stuck gum under a desk?: yes
04. ever kicked someone?: yes
05. ever tripped over your own feet?: yes
01. have you cursed? yes
02. have you gotten mad at someone? no
Q: is there a person who is on your mind right now? yes
Q: do you have any siblings?: yes
Q: do you want children?: I have 2 of my own & 3 step
Q: do you smile often?: yenot often enough
Q: do you untie your shoes every time you take them off?: no
Q: do you like your handwriting?: no
Q: are you a friendly person?: meh, sorta
Q: who's bed others than yours do you sleep in?: just mine
Q: what color shirt are you wearing: blue
Q: what were you doing at 7pm yesterday?: eating dinner
100 Random
Body: 2. Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel? yes
3. Have you ever 'done it' in a hotel room? yes
4. Have you ever stolen a street sign before? yes
5. Do you like to use post-it notes? yes
6. Do you cut out coupons but then never use them? no
7. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees? bear
8. Do you always smile for pictures? rarely
9-11 ate themselves
hey no cannibalism is frowned upon by many societys please come back=]
12. Do you ever count your steps when you walk? no
13. Have you ever peed in the woods? yes
14. Do you ever dance even if there's no music playing? yes
15. Do you ever chew on your pens or pencils? yes
16. How many people have you slept with this week? just 1 :-)
17. Do you like popcorn from those big tins? yes
18. What is your "Song of the week" don't have one
19. Is it okay for guys to wear pink? yes
20. Favorite Fish? tilapia
21. Whats your favorite scary movie? none really
22. Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some? some place that no one would find it
23. What do you drink with dinner? tea
26. What movies could you watch over and over and still love it? Where the Heart is
27. Last person you kissed? Jeff
28. Were you ever a boy/girl scout? no
29. Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine? i wouldnt wanna scare anyone to death
30. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone? awhile...
31. Can you change the oil on a car? no
32. Ever gotten a speeding ticket? no
34. Kind of sandwich? pepperoni & cheese
35. Best thing to eat for breakfast? pepsi
36. What is your usual bedtime? whenever
37. Are you lazy? not really
38. When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween? all sorts of things
40. How many languages can you speak? 1
41. Do you have any magazine subscriptions? no
42. Which are better legos or lincoln logs? legos
43. Are you stubborn? yes
44. Who is better, Leno or Letterman? hate both
45. Ever watch soap operas? not anymore
46. Afraid of heights? not anymore
47. Sing in the car? yes
48. Dance in the shower? no
49. Dance in the car? no
50. Ever used a gun? yes!
51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? quite awhile ago
52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? not all of them
53. Is Christmas stressful? yes
54. Ever eat a pierogie? no
55. Favorite type of fruit pie? custard
56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? teacher, trucker(lol), lawyer
57. Do you believe in ghosts? yes
60. Wear slippers? no
61. Wear a bath robe? at times
62. What do you wear to bed? tshirt & pajama pants
63. First concert? Motley Crue
64. Wal-Mart, Target or K-Mart? Meijer
65. Nike or Adidas? neither
66. Cheetos or fritos? Fritos
67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? honey roasted peanuts
68. Ever heard of, "gorp"? no
69. Ever take dance lessons? no
70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? not really
71. Can you roll your tongue? yes
72. Ever won a spelling bee? yes
73. Ever cried because you were so happy? yes
74. Own any record albums? not anymore
75. Own a record player? not anymore
76. Regularly burn incense? yes
77. Ever eaten fish? yes
78. Who would you like to see in concert? Ozzy again
80. Hot tea or cold tea? both
81. Tea or coffee? tea
82. Favorite kind of cookie? sugar cookie
83.Can you swim well? yes
84.Can you hold your breath w/o manually holding your nose? yes
85. Are you patient? sorta
86. DJ or band, at a wedding? dj
87. Ever won a contest? yes
88. Ever have plastic surgery? no
89. Which are better black or green olives? yuk
90. Can you knit or crochet? no
91. Best room for a fireplace? livingroom
92. Do you want to get married? i am engaged to be
93. If married, how long have you been married?
94. Who's your crush? noone
95. Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way? no
96. Do you have kids? 2, 3 steps
97. Do you want kids? just the ones i have
98. Whats your favorite color? black
99. Do you miss anyone right now? yes
100. Who do you wanna see right now? would love to see my sis
P.s did you know number one is missing.
Q. What is your salad dressing of choice? ranch
Q. What is your favorite fast food restaurant? Taco Bueno
Q. What is your favorite sit-down restaurant? Ricardo's
Q. On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant? 10-20%
Q. What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of? mexican
Q. What are your pizza toppings of choice? pepperoni & extra cheese
Q. What do you like to put on your toast? butter
Q. What is your favorite type of gum? wrigleys, juicy fruit
Q. Number of contacts in your cell phone? none
Q. Number of contacts in your email address book? lots
Q. What is your wallpaper on your computer? 2 beautiful girls.:-)
Q. How many televisions are in your house or apartment? 5
Q. Are you right-handed or left-handed? right
Q. Do you like your smile? no
Q. What's your best feature? eyes
Q. Have you ever had anything removed from your body? yes,
Q. Which of your five senses do you think is keenest? my 6th sense
Q. When was the last time you had a cavity? have one right now.Ow
Q. What is the heaviest item you lifted last? my daughter
Q. Have you ever been knocked unconscious? no
Q. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? no
Q. Is love for real? yes
Q. If you could change your first name, what would you change it to? I'd keep my name
Q. What color do you think looks best on you? dark colors
Q. Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake? yes
Q. Have you ever saved someones life? yes
Q. Has someone ever saved yours? yes
Q. Would you walk naked for a half mile down a public street for $100,000? only if I can pick the town and street
Q. Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100? sure
Q. Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000? don't think so
Q. Would you never blog again for $50,000? yes
Q. Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000? yes, but people ould be terrified
Q. Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1,000? yes
Q. Would you give up watching television for a year for $25,000? sure
Q: Friend you talked to? Courtney
Q: Last person you called? Jeff
Q: Last person that called you? Jerry
Q: Person you hugged? Abigail
Q: Number? 7
Q: Color? black
Q: Season? fall
Q: Missing someone? yes
Q: Mood? sleepy
Q: Listening to? Delta Farce
Q: Watching? not paying attention
Q: Worrying about? bills
Q: First place you went this morning? bathroom
Q: What can you not wait to do? go to bed
Q: What's the last movie you saw? Wild Hogs
Q: Do you smile often? no
Q: Are you a friendly person? sorta
Q: What is in your left pocket? no pockets
Q: Is Napoleon Dynamite actually a good movie? sux
Q: Do you have hardwood or carpet in your house? carpet
Q: Do you sit or stand in the shower? stand
Q: Could you live with roommates? yes
Q: How many pairs of flip-flops do you own? a few
Q: Last time you had a run-in with the cops? 4 years ago
Q: What do you want to be when you grow up? alive
12 months out of the year
1. Who kissed you on new years? Jeff
2. Did you have a new year's resolution this year? no
3. Does it snow where you live? sometimes
4. Do you like hot chocolate? yes
5. Have you ever been to Times Square to watch the ball drop? no
1. Who was your Valentine? Jeff
2. When you were little did you buy Valentine's for the whole class? yes
3. Do you care if the groundhog sees its shadow or not? no
1. Are you Irish? yes
2. Do you wear green on St. Patty's Day? yes
3. What did you do for St. Patty's Day in 2007? worked
4. Are you happy when winter is pretty much over? yes
1. Do you like the rain? yes
2. Did you play an April fool's joke on anyone this year? nah
3. Do you get tons of candy on Easter? the kids do, so i guess i do too
4. Do you celebrate 4/20? shhhhhh
5. Do you love the month of April? yes
1. What is your favorite flower? ones jeff & girls bring to me
2. Do you like the spring? yes
3. Finish the phrase "April showers": will bring may flowers
4. Do you celebrate May 16th: National Piercing Day? no
5. Is there anything special about May to you? no
1. What year did/will you graduate from high school? 1989
2. Are you doing anything fun during this month? Boo Ha ha saturday & Samhain & Halloween celebrations
3. Have a favorite baseball team? Tigers
1. What will you do on the Fourth of July? not sure..
2. Are you going on any vacations during this month? no
3. Do you blast the A/C all day? no
1. Are you doing anything special at the end of your summer? no
2. What was your favorite summer memory of '06? being proposed to
3. Did you have a sunburn? no
4. Did you go to the beach a lot? no
1. Will you be attending college/school? no
2. Who was your favorite teacher? mrs richardson
3. Do you like fall better than summer? yes
1. What was your last Halloween costume? i was a witch (go figure)
2. What is your favorite candy? hershey dark chocolate
3. Who's birthday is during this month? noone
1. Whose house do you go to for Thanksgiving? mine
2. Did you know GoofyAuctions.com was started this month in 2005? dont care
3. What are you thankful for? my family, friends
4. Do you love stuffing? yes
1. Do you celebrate Christmas? yes
2. What is December 1st, 2007? 1st day of december
3. Have you ever been kissed under mistletoe? yes
4. Get anything special last year? nothing in particular
5. What do you want this year? i don't know
6. Do you like cold weather? no
55 Random questions!
Body: Well here are 55 I guarantee you've never answered.
1. Describe your ex in one word...... no comment
2. Do you have a favorite type of pen? black gel pen
3. Look at your planner for April 14? Lanette's B-day
4. What does the 4th text in your inbox say? none
5. What was the last thing you highlighted? some shit at work
6. What color are your bedroom curtains? none at the moment
7. What color are the seats in your car? Pooh covers
8. Have you ever had a black and white cat? yes
9. What is the last thing you put a stamp on? checks sent out at work
10. Do you know anyone who lives in Wyoming? no
11. Why did you withdraw cash from the ATM the last time? I don't withdraw from the atm.. I go thr drive thru
12. Who was the last baby you held? one of my old daycare babies, eons ago it seems
13. Do you know of any twins with rhyming names? no
14. Do you like Cinnamon toothpaste? sure
15. What kind of Car were you driving 2 years ago? my 93 dodge caravan
16. Pick one: Miami Hurricanes or Florida Gators? neither
17. Last time you went to Six Flags? about 20 years ago...
18. Do you have any wallpaper in your house? no
19. Closest thing to you that is yellow? envelope
20. Last person to give you a business card? Kami @ First American
21. Who is the last person you wrote a check to? 250,000. payoff check @ work to Chase Bank
22. Closest framed picture to you? girls
23. Last time you had someone cook for you?? last night
24. What was it? dinner
25. How many emails do you have? . too many, over 1000
26. Last time you received flowers? Jeff brought me roses awhile back
27. Do you think the sanctity of marriage is meant for only a man & woman? no
28. Do you play air guitar? no
29. Has anyone ever proposed to you? yes
30. Do you take anything in your coffee? dont do coffee
31. Do you have any willow tree figurines? no
32. What was your high school's rival mascot? chargers
33. Last person you spoke to from high school? Lee
34. Last time you used hand sanitizer? while ago, dries out my hands
35. Would you like to learn to play the drums? no
36. What color are the blinds in your living room? white
37. What is in your inbox at work. probably e mails from lawyers office for title work
38. Last thing you read in the newspaper? something about a crime
39. What was the last pageant you attended? i have no clue
40. What is the last place you bought pizza from? mazzios
41. Have you ever worn a crown? yes
42. What is the last thing you stapled? some documents at work
43. Did you ever drink clear Pepsi? hehe... yes i did
44. Are you ticklish? i can turn it on and off
45. Last time you saw fireworks? 4th of july
46. Last time you had a Krispy Kreme doughnut? it's been awhile
47. Who is the last person that left you a message? Jeff
48. Last time you parked under a carport? dunno
49. Do you have a black dog? no
50. Do you have pickles in your fridge? yes
51. Are you an aunt or uncle? yes.. aunt
52. Who has the nicest eyes that you know? my daughter
53. Last time you saw a semi truck? todayy
54. Do you remember Ugly Kid Joe? not really
55. Do you have a "notice me" part on your body?my eyes
105 questions
5. WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU WORKED OUT? need to go again
9. ONE FAVORITE SONG? Im moving on
10. WHERE DO YOU LIVE? In my house
13. FAVORITE MALL STORE: hate mall
14. LONGEST JOB YOU HAD: daycare provider-9 years
17. LAST WEDDING YOU ATTENDED: cant remember their names
27. LAST TIME YOU CRIED?: other day
32. LONGEST SHIFT YOU HAVE WORKED AT A JOB?: 24 hours... I"m a mom!
34. CAN YOU SING? yes
36. LAST KISS? this morning
37. LAST MOVIE RENTED: Delta farce
39. FAVORITE vacation spot: Michigan
43. LAPTOP OR DESKTOP COMPUTER?:17 desktops, 5 laptops.........
45. DO YOU SMOKE? no
52 HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS? Sunny side up with toast
60. PICK A LYRIC, ANY LYRIC: Pour some sugar on me
63. CAN YOU SWIM? yes
64. FAVORITE ICE CREAM?: chocolate
66. TELL ME A RANDOM FACT ABOUT YOURSELF: I have prophetic dreams
77. WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS WEEKEND? Shawna's Boo Ha Ha & maybe a picnic
78. BIRTHDATE 2/10
94. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NAME? don't have one
99. do you have a sister? yes
101. ARE YOU IN LOVE?: yes
104. WHAT JEWELRY ARE YOU WEARING? engagement ring & celtic knot ring

fun shit

I grabbed this from over at Diaper Diaries . I thought it was fun and if you would like to join in, try it out!
1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet & current car) Tiger Kia

2.YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (fave ice cream flavor, favorite cookie) Chopcolate Sugar

3. YOUR “FLY Guy/Girl” NAME: (first initial of first name, first three letters of your last name), D-and

4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal) black Cat

5 YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born) Kaye Portsmouth

6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first)Deban

7. SUPERHERO NAME: (”The” + 2nd favorite color, favorite drink) blue soda?

8. NASCAR NAME: (the first names of your grandfathers) jack Murl

9. STRIPPER NAME: ( the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent, favorite candy) Patchouli Peppermint

10.WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother’s & father’s middle names ) Edna Dale

11. TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME: (Your 5th grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter) Richardson Raleigh

12. SPY NAME: (your favorite season/holiday, flower) Fall Carnation

13. CARTOON NAME: (favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now + “ie” or “y”) Apple Shirt

14. HIPPY NAME: (What you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree) Soda Oak

15. YOUR ROCKSTAR TOUR NAME: (”The” + Your fave hobby/craft, fave weather element + “Tour”),
Bellydancing Autumn Tour

1. Do you like cheese? uh huh
2. Have you ever been arrested? um yes, once for shoplifting when I was 16
3. Have you ever shot a gun? YES
4. Your favorite song? .My Immortal
5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? not really
6. What do you think of when you eat hot dogs? am I supposed to?
7. What's your favorite Christmas song? ocking around the Xmas tREE
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? something highly caffeinated
9. Can you do push ups? if i want to
10. Is your bathroom clean? . sorta, towel in floor, needs swept
11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? my engagement ring
12. Favorite Hobby? photography
13. What are you listening to right now? Loreena Mckennitt Celtic Moods
14. What is the last thing you ate? bowl of cereal
15. What one trait do you hate about yourself? procrastination
16. Middle Name? kaye
17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment? i need to go to bed, my eye hurts, Im cold
18. Name the last 3 things you have bought. gas, pepsi, & more pepsi
20. Current worry right now? that thing w/ the DA......
21. Current hate? alcohol
22. Favorite place to be? asleep
23. How did you bring in the New Year? slept
24. What is your quirkiest habit? i have this weird thing about texture....oh never mind..........
25. Name three people who will complete this and return? no F'in clue
26. How many siblings do you have? 1
27. Do you own slippers? yep but rarely wear em
28. What shirt are you wearing? big blue comfy tee
29. What shampoo do you use? whatevers in the shower
30. Favorite colors? black & blue!
31. Would you like to be a pirate? the whole on the ship thing doesnt appeal to me
32. What songs do you sing in the shower? i dont sing
33. Favorite female name? Rhiannon
34. Favorite male name? Calen
35. What's in your pockets right now? I dont havve pockets
36. Last thing that made you laugh? my friend Courtney
37. Best bed sheets as a child? funky 70's striped ones
38. Worst injury you've ever had? fractured my forearm
39. When's your birthday? February
40. How many TVs do you have in your house? 5
41. Who is your loudest friend? loud? Id say Heather
43. Does someone have a crush on you? no idea, dont care
44. Do you wish on shooting stars? sometimes
45.What is your favorite book? Zoya
46.What is your favorite age? not old
47. What song do/did you want played at your wedding? dunno
48. What song do you want played at your funeral? dont want a funeral
49. What were you doing at 12 am this morning? im still doing it
50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? FUck! Already?

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

My past comes back to me....

Once upon a time I had a very dear friend. A friend I'd had since I was in 4th grade. My best friend. We were friends all thru elementary, middle school & high school. We had a slight falling out as teenagers do & didn't speak for some time. By chance one day, we started talking again, we talked frequently & visited each other off & on for another 10 years. Due to some circumstances surrounding my divorce, we had another falling out. We were both in radically different places & said some hurtful things . Well chance happened upon me the other night, I came across her on Myspace. I noticed shed even gotten a divorce. Not knowing the circumstances, I hope it was her choice. :-l I took a chance & messaged her & happily, she messaged back, favorably. Here's hoping for a new start & a new chance at renewing our friendship. She meant a helluva lot to me & for the past few months she'd been on my mind quite a bit. So...here's hoping.


Feeling icky & kind of queasy this morning, well....it's almost afternoon. Feeling very edgy & apprehensive, like something is about to happen. I have an acute awareness of

Monday, October 22, 2007


Feeling kind of moody & brooding today. Can't help but find myself wondering..."Is this all there is?"
"Is there something I could have done? Or should have done?"
"How different would my life be?"
"What if.....?"
I should be happy with what I have & be grateful for the things I have in my life. My 2 beautiful girls, 3 great boys, Jeff, my Mother, my sister & her children, & the friends that surround me, but there's that nagging voice at the back of my mind ......."Somethings missing..."
Something that makes me wonder if this is how I want to live the rest of my life. Can I be happy this way? or am I going to be forced to make changes for real happiness?
I don't like when I get like this. I start to question my very existence. & then I get restless, wanting to grab the girls & run away somewhere. I won't though......change scares the hell out of me.

4 Things.......

Four Jobs I’ve Held
1. Home daycare provider
2. 2 year old teacher in a daycare
3. Call Center
4. Title Insurance Clerk

Four Films I Could Watch Over and Over
1. Baseketball
2. The Stand
3. Where the Heart is
4. The Cell

Four TV Shows I Watch
1. Extreme makeover:Home Edition
2. Holmes on Homes
3.Law & Order-any of them
4.Ummm.....no idea

Four Places I’ve Lived
1. Tulsa, Ok
2. Catoosa, OK
3. Arvada, Co
4. Portsmouth, Va

Four Favorite Foods
1. my moms enchiladas
2. moms spicy mexican chicken chile soup
3. custard pie
4. pumpkin pie

Four Websites I Visit Daily
1. Redneck Diva
2. Voices of Tulsa
4. MeeCiteeWurkor

Four Favorite Colors
1. blue
2. Black
3. greenish blue
4. white

Four Places I Would Love to be Right Now
1. In bed
2. in another life
4. in the past

Four Names You Love, But Could/Would Not Use for Your Children
1. Calen
2. Rhiannon
3. Kanin
4. ???

Four People I Tag
I'm not tagging anyone.

Sunday, October 21, 2007


had a great time today! Me & my transplanted Okie man packed up the Okie girls & headed out to Oktoberfest. There was great German music, beer, dancing, chocolate covered everything, beer, rides, beer & of course, as goes with Oktoberfest, there was beer. Jeff, the Ice King, was our designated driver, & I could have done it too for the free pepsi(lol) but I left my ID at home. So no free pepsi or beer for me. Oh well, not fond of beer anyway.

The rides were quite overpriced & due to the shutting down of a few of them, I wasn't too sad about skipping them altogether. We saw all kinds of dancing, Kayla thinks she wants to learn German/Irish style dancing & Abi & I are thinking about belly-dancing lessons. What great fun that will be!

Winding down now to a quiet night, can't wait til next year!

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Been Awhile

So I've been slacking. I haven't posted here in a bit. It's been pretty busy though. Haven't heard directly from BB yet, they're trying to get settled in down there. I spoke to Chris,BB's son with whom they're staying with . Seems they had a little bit of car trouble on the way down. Chris came to the rescue, as soon as he got there, the car started right up. LOL
As my ex-stepdad always says" it's not the car, it's the driver."
Anyways, BB's eldest daughter & her fiancee are working for Chris now doing roofing & apparently they love it. Hopefully, the $ will start rolling in for them & BB will find another job doing eldercare, like she was doing before. She had a great love & affinity for working with old folks.
Today, BB's youngest daughter came over, her & a friend & will stay for the weekend. Wonder how I can slave 'em while they're here? LOL
Me, Jeff & the girls are going to Oktoberfest tonight. Should be fun.I like looking at all the vendors, The girls will likely want to do the Chicken dance......Not sure there's enough beer there to make me do it. LMAO

Tuesday, October 16, 2007


BB left this morning. At 7:20, they pulled out of the driveway & headed for Galveston. I knew it was really going to happen, but now it's real. The last few weeks have been very interesting. I think we all learned a lot about each other & about ourselves. I'm weepy today. This liquid substance keeps coming out of my eyes, but I know those aren't tears. Nuh-uh. No way. I don't cry....At least, not where anyone can see me. Maybe just those silent hiccupy cries where your eyes turn red but your nose doesn't puff up.
But I digress................
I am going to be a bit on edge until I hear from them. It's about a 9 hour drive so I figure it will be well after I get home from work. I just pray all goes well & uneventful, but I hope it's one of those road trips where you discover things about yourselves. Driving alone, for a lot of people, is empowering. I know she's not alone, but she's the lone adult. The kids might be both 18, but they're still kids.
Anyways, blessings to you all & I hope you find what your life has been missing.

Monday, October 15, 2007

The end is almost here...

Busy weekend! This was BB's last weekend here. So as a last ditch effort, she agreed to spend some time helping out at my house. We switched rooms with mom & My oldest Okie girl, giving Mom a bit more room in the way the room is shaped, we also drug everything out of her room & painted it the prettiest aqua color. Then if that wasnt insane enough, we proceeded to paint my little Okie girl's room too. A pretty pale pink. Both girls were absolutely thrilled.Nisey's poor cat was utterly confused though.lol If my mom had known she slept on her pillow with her.........
It was also a weekend of realizations for me. I realized what is truly important to me & what Im willing to sacrifice for happiness. I also came to the realization of just what I will tolerate & where my breaking point is whjen it comes to relationships. I learned a lot about myself this weekend.
On the downside, BB leaves bright & early tomorrow for Galveston. Im sad. :-(
Very sad. The last few weeks shes been here have been a lot of fun at times, like staying up late watching scary movies, late night snacks, or just general working around the house.
I wont get to do it again & that makes me sad.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Tainted Toys

With all the stir about the many products from China that have been recalled, I'd like to do a little digging as to the cause of all this. Many would jump to say the Chinese are at fault for producing inferior products. Well, to an extent, yes.
Others would say those large company's are at fault for outsourcing & paying low wages to the Chinese workers. Yes, partly.
How about we lie the blame where it truly belongs? Square on the shoulders of the American public. The public who whines & complains prices are too high, the public who demands lower prices. You know the old saying, "You get what you pay for."
Something worth having, is worth paying for.
Certainly the large dollar whore companies are to blame as well. They sell their manufacturing to the very lowest bidder but expect them to produce a top notch product. They also seem to make a practice of not overseeing the production of their products & blindly send them on to the public.
As well, the manufacturers are to blame for bidding such low amounts, I place very little blame here. Many standards overseas are not as stringent as they are in the U.S. Also, the living wage over there is abysmal. Honestly, I would probally cut corners myself.

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Neener neener neener!

Tulsa County Voters Say 'No' To River Tax
& thank the gods for that! It was a poorly planned & presented project. I have no doubts they will try again, however, I certainly hope they pay attention to Tulsa citizens & listen to our concerns this time around.


Get out there! Do your civic duty! It's your right! Get out & vote & show them what you think !

Monday (ok it's really Tuesday but it's Monday at work) Musings

It was an interesting weekend...............Let's tally up all the itnteresting things:
1) bandaged a cat's ass
2) argused amongst ourselves
3) laughed so hard I cried
4) re-bandaged a cat's ass
5) watched my sister bandage a cat's ass
6) watched my mother trum us all at bandaging the cat's ass
7) had a decent time at the State Fair
8) wormed a cat (different cat!)
9) didn't get enough sleep
10) organized & cleaned house
11) did an obscene amount of laundry
OK, the bandaged ass cat, has gotten into some S&M shit & likes to chew on herself, we got a new kitten back in May, said kitten introduced fleas to our previously flea free other 4 cats.2 of them decided to have a flea allergy, both are looking kind of sad at the moment. The little female kitty, Angel, kept biting & chewing her hindquarters & refused to stop, wed medicate & medicate, they'd almost heal. Chew. Chew. Chew. Start it all over again. Even the vet was at wit's end. So we got the idea the other night , bandaged her butt & tied it off with an ace bandage. Looks like she's almost diapered.lol, but so far seems to be working.
The other cat dropped some weight & his coat looks dull, so hoping worming will do the trick for him & he'll perk back up.
Being there were 10 people in my house at any given moment over this weekend, bickering was bound to happen. 10 people & 5 cats.....you take your pick, we all probally argued at some point & time. Alls well that ends well though. BB's youngest daughter & her fiancee are back at Job Corps & today BB & the 2 older ones went off for some day labor to make a little extra cash before their move.
I can't say how much I have enjoyed them all being there though. Probally bad timing, probally too cramped, but it's nice to get some extra time with them before they're far, far, away. I do have to say sleeping arrangements have been like stacking up cordwood.lol

All in all, a fairly good weekend.

Monday, October 8, 2007


I almost died when I saw her with that snake! LOL

A few photos from my youngests' day @ the State Fair's Largest Classroom.

Douchebag trolls......

OOOh, the little troll thinks he struck again. Funny how he thinks his comments will actually be approved.

heres the info from my stat tracker

Wichita Kansas United States ip68-102-65-119.ks.ok.cox.net ( kenzie

Sorry, dork, you can't pretend it's not you by posting as anonymous.

& check this out. uess he REALLY missed me. Look how often he visits!

Referring Link
No referring link
Host Name
IP Address kenzie
United States
Cox Communications Inc
Returning Visits
Visit Length
Multiple visits spread over more than one day
Firefox 1.5.0
Operating System
Windows XP
Navigation Path
29th September 2007

29th September 2007

29th September 2007

29th September 2007

29th September 2007

1st October 2007

3rd October 2007

3rd October 2007

5th October 2007

8th October 2007

8th October 2007

8th October 2007

8th October 2007

8th October 2007
8th October 2007

8th October 2007

& he says hes not obsessed?
Hmmm, evidence points to the contrary.

Fair deal?

We went ahead & attended the State fair today, however, we refused to ride any of the rides. With the number of accidents (at least 5) just in the past week & not to mention the forced removal of Bell's Amusement park, that is just staying on my boycott list.
We walked the livestock barns, went all thru the Expo center even tho it was hot as Hades), got rained on (a state fair tradition....), & ate some artery clogging fair food. There were several 'interesting' items I didnt dare try. Cheese on a stick & spam on a stick (fried, corn dipped spam -puke). We did do the obligatory corn dogs & funnel cakes. UGH, enough grease for a month or 2 there, but they were goooood. Something about the cool air, the smells , the sounds, that makes it all taste better. Last years fair was much better. Bell's was still there, we went at nightime & the midway just felt so different. I really mourn Bells being gone. it sucks.:(
On a different subject, I got a haircut Friday. Did something for myself for a change. Got it shortened some & layered up, it's really cute. Nice to pamper oneself every now & then. Maybe I'll get brave & post a photo later. LOL
On the homelife front, BB & her brood are still her. It's been rather tense of late, as I type, there are 10 people i this 4 bedroom house. It's crowded & 10 people eat more than 5, but all in all, I am glad they're spending this last bit of time here. I am really going to miss them.

Friday, October 5, 2007

12 year old 'wisdom'/ Workblogging....

Yesterday BB picked my girls up from school. After bringing them up here to 'beg' for soda from the machine (lol), she took them to a local play park. At this park is a large teeter-totter. My sisters eldest daughter was on one end & my eldest on the other. BB was standing somewhat behind her, unbeknownst to my daughter. Every time the teeter-totter would come down, hitting the ground , my daughter uttered quietly "My ass." Catching BB's interest, she stepped closer. "My ass." Plop "My Ass."Plop. "My ass." "Hmmmmmmmmmmm", BB thought. She came up closer to her & at just that moment, the totter hit the ground pretty hard "My f*cking ass." BB's eyebrows shot up at that utterance & she said "What did you say?"
So my 'witty' potty-mouthed child repeated it loud & clear.Sigh............. So much for humility.
Then she adds" I don't seewhy people make such a big deal out of cussing. They're just words. Words like any other words. Words aren't that big of a deal."
So I have to ponder. Are they just words?
We have heard the old rhyme "Sticks & stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" I have likely said that rhyme more than a thousand times. So why DO we make a big deal out of cussing.
Now I'm not condoning the usage of the swear words by a 12 year old child, but I do have to think on her opinion. Thoughts anyone?

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

I am so proud!

My eldest okie girl, emailed me yesterday at work with a wonderful message. She was moved to an advanced class for geography! Im so proud . I *heart* that girl. Shes a wonderful beautiful thoughtful, loving, kind hearted generous girl. I suppose I did something right.

Monday, October 1, 2007

October 1st

Today is the 1st day that has felt somewhat 'fall-ish'. I am going to pull out all my halloween decorations & go to town tonight, getting them all up. I can't wait! I love halloween/Samhain! this is my absolute favorite holiday & time of year. I love the way the wind feels in your hair, that slight undertone of chilliness, the way the leaves start falling & rustling around with the wind, I love to hear the wind Whoosh against the front door. I love the mystery surrounding Halloween & the spiritual rush I get from Samhain. THis is my actual new Year for those of you that aren't familiar with it. My goals for this year is to get the family back on track as a whole, (my other blog that a few of you have access to will be detailing those issues).
I've been helping BB get her stuff moved, she will be storing some things here & come back for them in a month or so, once they get settled into their own place in galveston. Damn, I'm really going to miss her. I hate talking on the phone too, Im glad theyll at least have some online access. Gouibg to be weird not having a sister here. Shes moved out of state before, once to Arkansas & one time before to Texas, but this will be for good. :(

Sunday, September 30, 2007

Life Comes at you fast & lumberjacks & terrorists!

BB & her brood will be staying the next week or so here until they make their move to galveston. Im sad really. We always have a great time when we get together, so Im not sure why that hasnt been more often. It's easy to lose touch with others, you have to really work at it to keep any sort of relationship alive, even that of family. People come & go so fast in life that if you dont make the time to spend together, before you know it, the time has gone.

There is a lumberjack in my bed! How is it possible for one to snore so loudly that it does not wake them up?
I dont know how I sleep! So on & on, he snores happily away, lost in Dreamland......wonder if I'll be able to get there. Did I tell you about my truck polo dream?
Just on the edge of the bed sits Terrorist Kitty glaring over at me thru barely slitted open blue eyes. Probally half dreaming of extinguishing life on Earth, my bloody demise or maybe just of chasing a string. Either way, he appears vicious. He can be a total sweetheart of a kitty, then rip his razor sharp little claws into some tender body part. Cat's are psycho.