Wednesday, March 26, 2008

The way we were....or my past comes back

I think about my past a lot. I don't know why. I don't think Id want to go back into my past & I don't really want to change much of anything. If my past changed, it would change who I am now. Although I cant help but wondering how things would be different if I had done this....or not done that. Well, you get the picture.
IF I could change 'em...
1) I would have stood up to that stupid Janie when I was a little kid
2) Id have told my mom about the school spanking I got
3) Id have had my parents stay together-this is a double sided one. I like my mom as the free thinker she is & she was kind of a meek mouse when she was with Dad. On the other hand, maybe her life wouldn't have been so hard, & still be hard.
Actually, this one has the potential to change more things than anything else, so don't know...
4) Id have told my mom about the creep next door & the guy down the street.....:(
5) Id have slapped the shit out of Maureen Brauner & Shannon Willsey when the opportunity presented itself. Is it sad that this still bugs me? lol
6) Id have done better in school, stayed more focused & asked for help when I needed it, gotten Mom involved or been vocal as hell over it.
7) Id have kept in better touch with school friends. A lot of wasted time without some of them in my lives. I'm very happy I have the important ones to me back in my life (Joyce, Lanette, Bev,Cheri, you know who you are).
8) I would have joined the military. Seriously. I had serious thoughts of doing this & I really Wish I would have. many opportunities would have opened up for me if I would have.
9) Wish I would have wised up in 2000, when I was pregnant with Abigail. This really doesn't need further saying, but I would have still had my girls, but not the emotional trauma I went thru, that I NEVER got an apology for.
10) I wish Id have handled my divorce differently. Nuff said there....
11) I wish Id have jumped on the job that Janet offered me. 35K a year would go a long way for me.
I always thought Id be further along in my life than I am now. Makes me a little sad to see I really don't have much to show. I have my girls though, & they mean the world to me, for those 2 reasons alone, I wouldn't change things.