Wednesday, May 6, 2009

I hesitated to write this, for I imagine, I'll get flack for it. But I really don't care anymore. I feel abandoned. By several people who called me friend. People in whose home I spent time, whose company I used to keep & who used to talk as sisters of the heart. Oh, I accept the fact that those days are over yet I think about it still. One friend, I felt a great kinship with now I rarely ever speak to, they're always too busy. I've tried a few times & a few times have made a connection with them, but its just not the same, & it never will be.
The friend I thought they were just simply isn't. The days are gone of fun things on the weekends or sitting on the grass talking or exploring mysterious places & holiday celebrations. That I can accept, it is the reasons which they are gone I cannot understand.
In the beginning of the end of things, I assumed they were just too busy, or perhaps we saw too much of each other at that time. As time wore on I would notice them doing things with others, & never asking me. I asked them to do things a few times, generally turned down as being too busy or something else going on or already had plans. Eventually I just stopped asking & watched sadly as the time was passed by with others. This person I thought of as my nearest & dearest friend let me pass through this world as if I were invisible. In truth, many, times I felt just that. Invisible. I have felt I can walk through my days with never speaking a word, actually many times, I did just that. Sometimes I would go through my days on the verge of tears & no one ever thought to ask, to look, to notice. Perhaps I was wrong to expect it, but I thought they were my friend.
But that is the past & since I've moved on, I can count on one hand the times we've gotten together. It hurts. It truly does, to feel as if Id been discarded. But its the past right?
Why does it still hurt?