ramble on

Long time no post again.
Still no baby, a few leads so far so we shall see how that proceeds.

Went to Ostara last Friday, just me & the girls, nice....needed that. IM doing some things on my own possibly tonight.

other than that......not much

Tuesday, ice-day, taking the day off

I called in today. Not sure how much of it was due to the ice on the ground. I used to walk outside & revel in the wonders of the Goddess & all around. Now I sit in my warm home & barely look out my window. It's a hopelessness. I hate feeling this way. Generally when I am forced to get out of my 'hump', I feel better, but lack the motivation to get out & do it.Recently my daughter faced discrimination from one of her best friends due to her choosing Wicca as her religious belief. It hurts. I hate seeing her confused & upset. I kept her home this past Monday more for that reason than that she said she didn't feel well. Her friend decided that she can no longe rbe friends wth her since she is Wiccan. I don't get it. All along she's known about her beliefs. Now its an issue?She had no problems indulging in the hotel room I rented for her party last weekend, NOW it's an issue. Not cool.But I digress.I dont know where my path will end up, Im having a very hard time believing the things I once believed. I dont like to even put it in the past tense as it makes it seem....final.I dont want to give up, but at the same time I have to follow where my path leads. Anyone else ever had a crisis of spirit?

HAHAHA, I love it

1. Abstinence Makes the Church Grow Fondlers
2. Honk If Your Religious Beliefs Make You An Asshole
3. Intelligent Design Makes My Monkey Cry
4. Too Stupid to Understand Science? Try Religion.
5. There’s A REASON Why Atheists Don’t Fly Planes Into Buildings
6. “Worship Me or I Will Torture You Forever. Have a Nice Day.”­ God.
7. God Doesn’t Kill People. People Who Believe in God Kill People.
8. If There is No God, Then What Makes the Next Kleenex Pop Up?
9. He’s Dead.

   It’s Been 2,000 years.
   He’s Not Coming Back.
   Get OVER It Already!

10. All religion is simply evolved out of fraud, fear, greed, imagination, and poetry. ~Edgar Allen Poe.~
11. Viva La Evolución!
12. Actually, If You Look It Up, The Winter Solstice Is The Reason For The Season
13. I Wouldn’t Trust Your God Even If He Did Exist
14. Cheeses Is Lard. Argue With THAT If You Can.
15. People Who Don’t Want Their Beliefs Laughed at Shouldn’t Have Such Funny Beliefs
16. Jesus is Coming? Don’t Swallow That.
17. Threatening Children With Hell Is FUN!
18. GOD - APPLY DIRECTLY TO FOREHEAD!
19. Jesus Told Me Republicans SUCK
20. God + Whacky Tobacky = Platypus
21. God Doesn’t Exist. So, I Guess That Means No One Loves You.
22. When the Rapture Comes, We’ll Get Our Country Back!
23. Q. How Do We Know the Holy Ghost Was Catholic?
    A. He Used the Rhythm Method Instead of a Condom.
24. You Say “Heretic” Like It Was a BAD Thing
25. I Love Christians. They Taste Like Chicken.
26. Science: It Works, Bitches.
27. “Intelligent Design” Helping Stupid People Feel Smart Since 1987
28. I Found God Between The Sheets
29. I Gave Up Superstitious Mumbo Jumbo For Lent
30. My Flying Monkey Can Beat Up Your Guardian Angel
31. Every Time You Play With Yourself, God Kills a Kitten
32. If God Wanted People to Believe in Him, Then Why Did He Invent Logic?
33. Praying Is Politically Correct Schizophrenia
34. ALL Americans Are African Americans
35. I Forget - Which Day Did God Make All The Fossils?
36. I Was An Atheist Until The Hindus Convinced Me That I Was God
37. The Spanish Inquisition: The Original Faith-based Initiative
38. If we were made in his image, when why aren’t humans invisible too?
39. JESUS SAVES….You From Thinking For Yourself
40. How Can You Disbelieve in Evolution If You Can’t Even Define It?
41. Q. How Can You Tell That Your God is Man-made?

    A. If He Hates All the Same People You Do.

42. Every Time You See a Rainbow, God is Having Gay Sex
43. I Went to Public School in Kansas and All I Got Was This Lousy T-shirt and a Poor Understanding of the Scientific Method.
44. WWJD = We Won. Jesus Died.
45. The Family That Prays Together is Brainwashing the Children
46. Oh, Look, Honey Another Pro-lifer For War
47. Another Godless Atheist for Peace and World Harmony
48. God is Unavailable Right Now. Can I Help You?
49. When Lip Service to Some Mysterious Deity Permits Bestiality on
    Wednesday and Absolution on Sundays, Cash Me Out. ~Frank Sinatra.~
50. No Gods. No Mullets.

Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian

OK, first I must say, IM not trying to offend my Christian friends. For those of you, I have the utmost respect, You are capable of knowing the difference between a true Christian & those in name only.

Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian

10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!

6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."

3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.

It was a dark & freezing night...........

I arrived as they were loading up. We gathered inside in the warmth of his home. One by one I met many new people & saw again some I already knew. Son we loaded up & headed for the ritual area. A dark & open area, you could see the outlines of the labyrinth on the ground below. In the center stood a large stone ritual altar. We were told at times you would find offerings on it left by others.
We gathered round in the wind & cold, our challenge for the nights meditation was to discover why we were there. As we wound around the path of the labyrinth, we were to contemplate on where we were going this year & how we were going to make those changes & how those changes would affect not only us, but others as well. I wont go into more detail, but although it was cold, the sky was dark & clear & full of stars & the crescent moon shone exceptionally bright. It was beautiful.

Talk about jumping in with both feet!

So on new years I talked of wanting to be more active in the local community. Well............I guess it's true. you'd better be careful what you ask for. I asked Goddess & my guide to direct me to oppurtunities to be more active & boy did she ever! It appears I'm going to be taking over the Tulsa Children's Circle, at least for the time being, also ESBAT;local public full moon rituals, so 2x a month, I'm OUT there. LOL. not only that, were taking over the hosting & maintenance of the ESBAT website. I'm also joining up with a local group. the Winged Serpent Medicine Clan. I'm excited about being part of a group now, Ive been solitary soooooooooooo long. I'm going to the 1st meeting tonight, Ill fill in on details later.

On a more private note, me & the girls went down to the river Friday. I had a wonderful time & they did too. We ran, jumped, played, chased, went down slides, & walked along the rivers edge. Such a feeling of peace out there. We took bread & seeds & fed the ducks that were there. The girls had them eating from their hands & even got to pet them! it was amazing.

Ducks & geese & trash , Oh my!

I went back to visit my ducks & geese friends today. As I walked out there, armed with a trash bag, a bag of lentils & a small satchel of ritual supplies, I felt the peace I had felt before returning almost instantly. The ducks & geese were there, as were a few visitors. 2 men sat talking up a ways from where my 'space' was. I just smiled 7 went on about my business. As I approached the birds started to move towards the water, until I tossed a handful of lentils t them. Quacks & honking & mass feeding ensued. So I sat down on the steps leading to the water & tossed a few more handfuls. Some of the mallards got braver & I eventually had them eating from my hand! beautiful birds, bright greens, blues & purples in their feathers & such orange webby feet. beautiful.

So I went on down to my place I sat before, on the rocks before the water, continuing to feed them. They seem to have accepted my presence as non harmful. :o)

After I had tossed all the feed I had, I pulled out my supplies, reaffirmed my pentagram I had traced in the sand earlier, drove a crystal in the center & buried a stone at the 4 cardinal points. I also burned some incense as I invited the elements to that location. As I called each one, I could feel the strength of those elements there with me. After I was done, i gathered as much trash as I could get in the bag & disposed of it properly. Never ceases to amaze me what nasty creatures humans can be, no thought at all how their littering ways can harm Earths creatures.

When i was done, I wrote in the sand, "Earth where we came from, Earth where we'll go, Welcome as you welcomed us long ago" My next trip out, I'm taking the girls for some more cleanup & feeding. Soon they ll recognize us all. I also hope to have that entire stretch cleaned up soon. I plan on warding the area, so no more littering will occur & also for the safety of the flock.

Peace & geese

Got off a bit early today after leaving the courthouse, so I took the time to go down to the river for a bit, needed some time to ground some energy & just relax a bit.

I go down to a nice little area near 21st street where you can get right down to the water. There was a nice place to sit & watch the water go by. Theres also a small beack, or riverbank actually. But its sandy(muddy) & some large rocks there. it is also occupied by about 50-60 Canadian geese & Mallard ducks. beautiful creatures. I sat there a long time watching them swim & play & chase each other. I felt my stresses slipping away & my sadness that i had been feeling floating away as well. I wandered down to the riverbank beach & sat on a large rock, my feet about 2 or 3 feet from the water lapping at the edges. The geese never flew away or acted scared. I talked to them softly. I also drew a large banishing pentacle in the sand to ward off all neativity from the area so they can keep living there in peace. Theres a nice flat area that would be wonderful for doing spelwork & its fairly secluded but accessible. I think I found my nature spot. I will be going back. Next time Ill go armed with trash bags to clean up some of the litter I saw in the area, I'll also take food for the geese & ducks as an offering. May take some things & do spellwork as well.

it was so peaceful there. perfect spot. I could feel all the elements there. I felt the sun shining down warm on me, the wind blowing thru my hair, the water lapping at my feet & the sandy earth beneath my toes. I also found spirit. Spirit in those beautiful birds.

Another year...almost gone

Strange to look back & see how much has changed this past year. So many heartaches & so many blessings. It's amazing how much can change in just 365 days. This time last year, Id never have imagined I would be where i am today.

But all for the most part is good. I am engaged to be married, my kids are happy & healthy, my Mom is looking to retire soon, I have a great job, Jeff is on his way up in his field,finances are coming together, & I am making steps to get myself back out ion our local community. A few years ago, I went to every local gathering but due to a few people who ruined it & made me & a few others feel unwelcomed, I shied away from it. Fortunately, i put it behond me & joined a group of people who are incredibly nice. I hope to be attending & maybe even leading some of the upcoming public rites. My girls show lots of interest in my path so this upcoming year, I will be including them in everything they desire. This week coming we will be smudging our home & doing some 'cleaning' in the spiritual sense. I look forward to teaching them both how.:-)

I have a lot to be thankful for. I am grateful for all I have & look forward to the blessings of 2008.

She Gracefully Surrenders:Winter

She Gracefully Surrenders:Winter
In fall, the earth begins the process of releasing all the things she has been holding onto throughout spring and summer, and by midwinter she has let everything go. She sits clean and undecorated in her simplicity, free of the frenzy of life that defines her in the warmer seasons. There is a quiet humility about the earth in the winter months, as animals and people retreat inside to escape the wet and sometimes freezing cold that takes hold. Inside our homes we create abundance and warmth in response to being effectively kicked indoors by the dark and cold that permeate the outdoors. We burn fires in fireplaces and make heavy, hot foods to keep our bodies warm and insulated. We may find ourselves sleeping longer hours and yearning for downtime, just like the animals deep inside their caves and warrens taking a winter-long nap. Even if we live in a warmer climate, the longer nights and shorter days have the same effect on our cycles. If we surrender to this time as nature intended, we allow ourselves to slow down, sleep more, and lower the volumes on our busy minds. At the same time, we crave company in our dwellings, and the insulated warmth of the hearth tends to bring people together, creating more warmth and fostering connections that last through the coming year. We laugh, eat, and talk, sleep, or catch up on reading, while outside our windows the earth grows dark earlier and stays cold longer, accepting as always of the process of change and her place within it. We might remember to learn from her as she so gracefully surrenders to the emptiness that precedes all form, the peace that precedes activity, the darkness that precedes the light. For everything she gives and teaches, we might offer a blessing, extending a goodly portion of the gratitude of this season her way, holding her in our hearts and thanking her for our very lives.
What do you think?

Sad...

Someone from our local group posted some photos of the site where we hold our full moon rituals. The huge old sacred oak tree we always worked under split in half due to the horrible ice storm. I am so sad. I feel a certain loss of its wisdom. I hope the parks dept can save this giant from being chopped down. I know whats born wil rise again but its sad.

While the mice are away...

The cat cleans their rooms out. Time to purge thru everything & get it back in order for the holiday madness that is approaching. Turkey Day here was quiet. Bb's youngest is staying over the long holiday & the girlies are at their fathers house. We actually spent the day at a meeting dinner. Was kind of nice. A bit smoky for me but I hold my breath well.LOL

I'm awfully glad ice King is there. Grateful to be there with him. :-)

Our big dinner is Sunday since Mom works fri & Sat. I cant wait. I'm skipping the Black Friday madness tho. No way I'm going out in the madhouse store, I'm keeping Yule pretty simple this year. I'll do some Xmas decorating just cuz its fun but I try to shy away from the mainstream stuff & stick to the more natural aspects of Yule. We're doing a real Yule tree this year. I haven't had a real one in years. I LOVE the smell of pine! I do hope the 5 freaking psycho cats don't kill it tho. We shall see. promises to be entertaining at the very least.

pagan musings~~something beautiful I found

Pagan Musings
By – Tony Kelly


We're of the Old Religion, sired of Time, and born of our beloved Earth Mother. For too long the people have trodden a stony path that goes only onward beneath a sky that goes only upward. The Horned God plays in a lonely glade for the people are scattered in this barren age and the winds carry His plaintive notes over deserted heaths and reedy moors and into the lonely grasses. Who knows the ancient tongue of the Moon? And who still speaks with the Goddess? The magic of the land of Lirien and the old pagan gods have withered in the dragon's breath; the old ways of magic have slipped into the well of the past, and only the rocks now remember what the Moon told us long ago, and what we learned from the trees and the voices of the grasses and the scent of flowers.
We're Pagans and we worship the Pagan gods, and among the people there are witches yet who speak with the Moon and dance with the Horned One. But a witch is a rare pagan these days, deep and inscrutable, recognizable only by her own kind, by the light in her eyes and the love in her breast, by the magic in her hands and the lilt of her tongue and her knowledge of the real. But the Wiccan way is one way. There are many; there are Pagans the world over who worship the Earth Mother and the Sky Father, the Moon Goddess and the Little People in the mists on the other side of the veil. A Pagan is one who worships the goddesses and gods of Nature, whether by observation or by study, whether by love or adoration, or whether in the sacred rites with the Moon or the great festivals of the Sun.
Many suns ago, as the pale dawn of reason crept across the pagan sky, man grew out of believing in gods. He has yet to grow out of disbelieving in them. He who splits the Goddess on an existence/non-existence dichotomy will earn himself only paradoxes, for the gods are not so divided and neither are the magic lands of the Brother of Time. Does a mind exist? Ask her and she will tell you "yes" but seek her out and she'll elude you. She is in every place, and you'll see her works in all places, but herself in none. Existence was the second-born from the Mother's Womb and contains neither the first-born nor the unborn. Show us your mind, and we'll show you the gods! No matter that you cannot, for we cannot show you the gods. But come with us and the Goddess Herself will be our love and the God will call the tune. But a brass penny for your reason! For logic is a closed ring, and the child does not validate the Mother, nor the dream the dreamer. And what matter the wars of opposites to she who has fallen in love with a whirlwind or to a lover of the arching rainbow.
But tell us of your Goddess as you love her, and the gods that guide your works, and we'll listen with wonder, for to do less would be arrogant. But we'll do more, for the heart of man is aching for memories only half forgotten, and the Old Ones only half unseen. We'll write the old myths as they were always written and we'll read them on the rocks and in the caves and in the deep greenwood shade, and we'll see them in the storm clouds, and in the evening mists, and we'll hear them in the rippling mountain streams and the rustling of the leaves. We've no wish to bring differences together; differences are like different flowers in a meadow, and we are all one in the Mother.
What need is there for a Pagan movement since our religion has no teachings and we hear it in the wind and feel it in the stones and the Moon will still dance with us when she will? There is a need. For a long time has the Divider been among the people and the tribes of man are no more. The sons of the Sky Father have all but conquered Nature, but they have poisoned her breast and the Mother is sad for the butterflies are dying and the night crawls on. A curse on the conquerors! But not of us, for they curse themselves for they are nature, too. They have stolen our magic and sold it to the mindbenders and the mindbenders tramp a maze that has no outlet for they fear to go down into the dark waters, and they fear the real for the One who guards the path.
Where are the Pagan shrines? And where do the people gather? Where is the magic made? And where is the Goddess and the Old Ones? Our shrines are in the fields and on the mountains, in the stars and in the winds, deep in the greenwood and on the algal rocks where two streams meet. But the shrines are deserted, and if we gathered in the arms of the Moon for our ancient rites to rule the Mother's land and claim rights of ownership on the Mother's breast, and make laws of division and frustration for us. We can no longer gather with our gods in a public place and the old rites of communion have been driven from the towns and cities ever deeper into the heath where barely a handful of heathens have remained to guard the old secrets and enact the old rites. There is magic in the heath far from the cold gray society, and there are islands of magic hidden in the entrails of the metropolis behind closed doors, but the people are few, and the barriers between us are formidable. The old religion has become a dark way, obscure, and hidden in the protective bosom of the night. Thin fingers turn pages of books while the sunshine seeks in vain for his worshippers in his leafy glades.
Here, then, is the basic reason for the Pagan Movement. We must create a Pagan society wherein everyone shall be free to worship the gods and goddesses of nature, and the relationship between the worshipper and her gods shall be sacred and inviolable, provided only that in her love for her own gods she doesn't curse the gods of another.
It's not yet our business to press the lawmakers with undivided endeavor to unmake the laws of regression and, with the Mother's love, it may never become our business for the shifting tides of dogmatism are at last already in ebb. Our first work, and our greatest wish, is to come together, to be with each other in our tribes for we haven't yet grown from the Mother's breast to the stature of gods. We're of the earth, and sibs to all the children of wild nature, born long ago in the warm mud of the ocean floor; we were together when, beguiled by the pride of the Sky Father, and forgetful of the Mother's love, we killed her earlier-born children and impoverished the old genetic pool. The Red Child yet lives in America; the Black Child has not forsaken the gods; the old Australians are still with their nature gods; the Old Ones still live deep in the heart of Mother India; and the White Child has still a foot on the Old Wiccan Way, but Neanderthal is no more and her magic fades as the Lli and the Archen burst their banks and the ocean flowed in to divide the Isle of Eire from the land of the White Goddess. Man looked with one eye on the two-faced god when he reached for the heavens and scorned the Earth which alone is our life and our provider and the bosom to which we have ever returned since the dawn of time.
He who looks only to reason to plumb the unfathomable is a fool, for logic is an echo already implicit in the question, and it has no voice of its own; but he is no greater fool that he who scorns logic and derides its impotence from afar, but fears to engage in fair combat when he stands on his opponent's threshold. Don't turn your back on Reason, for his thrust is deadly; but confound him and he'll yield for his code of combat is honorable. So here is more work for the pagan movement. Our lore has been encrusted over the ages with occult trivia and the empty vaporings of the lost. The occult arts are in a state of extreme decadence; astrology is in a state of disrepute and fears to confront the statistician's sword; alien creeds oust our native arts and, being as little understood as our own forgotten arts, are just as futile for their lack of understanding, and more so for their unfamiliarity. Misunderstanding is rife. Disbelief is black on every horizon, and vampires abound on the blood of the credulous; it has no place in the heart of the pagan.
But while we are sad for those who are bemused by Reason, we are deadened by those who see no farther than his syllogisms as he turns the eternal wheel of the Great Tautology. We are not fashioned in the mathematician's computations and we were old when the first alchemist was a child. We have walked the magic forest, bewitched in the old Green Things; we have seen the cauldron and the one become many and the many in one; we know the Silver Maid of the moonlight and the sound of cloven feet. We have heard the pipes on the twilight ferns and we've seen the spells of the Enchantress, and Time, stilled. We've been into eternal darkness where the Night Mare rides and rode to the edge of the Abyss, and beyond, and we know the dark face of the Rising Sun . Spin a spell of words and make a magic knot; spin it on the magic loom and spin it with the gods. Say it in the old chant and say it to the Goddess, and in Her name. Say it to a dark well and breathe it on a stone. There are no signposts on the untrodden path, but we'll make our rituals together and bring them as our gifts to the Goddess and God in the great rites. Here, then, is our work in the Pagan Movement: To make magic in the name of our gods, to share our magic where the gods would wish it and to come together in the ancient festivals of birth, and life, and death and of change in the old rhythm. We'll print the rituals that can be shared in the written word; we'll do all in our power to bring the people together, to teach those who would learn, to learn from those who can teach. We'll initiate groups, bring people to groups, and groups to other groups, in our common devotion to the goddesses and gods of nature. We will not storm the secrets of any coven, nor profane the tools, the magic and still less, the gods of another.
We'll collect the myths of all ages, of our people and of the pagans of other lands, and we'll study the books of the wise and we'll talk to the very young. And whatever the pagan needs in her study, or her worship, then it is our concern, and the business of the Movement will be to do everything possible to help each other in our worship of the gods we love.
We are committed to the lone pagan on the seashore, with he who worships in the vastness of a mountain range or she who sings the old chants in the lost valley far from the metalled road. We are committed to the wanderer, and equally with the prisoner, disinherited from the Mother's milk in darkness of the industrial wrens. We are committed, too, to the coven, with the circular dance in the light of the full moon, with the great festivals of the sun, and the gatherings of the people. We are committed to build our temples in the towns and in the wilderness, to buy lands and the streams from the landowners and give them to the Goddess for her children's use, and we'll replant the greenwood as it was of old for her love of the dryad stillness, and for the love of our children's children. When the streams flow clear and the winds blow pure and the sun never more sets unreknowned nor the moon rides in the skies unloved; when the stones tell of the Horned God and the greenwood grows deep to call back her own; then our work will be ended and the Pagan Movement will return to the beloved womb of our religion, to the nature goddesses and gods of paganism.

Early Samhain

Had a lovely evening. Crone Gloria put on a beautiful & thoughtful public Samhain ritual. The wind was with us & within us, blowing all around us & through us, letting us all know the Goddess moved through us & our ancestors passed on were there with us as well. It was uplifting, contemplative & lit a new hope in me for this coming year. Blessed be.